What if you aren’t loving them the way they want to be loved?

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Apologies for not keeping up with “Be inspired Wednesday”, my laptop gives me headache. Anyway, let’s go into today’s topic. I just came across one of Abimbola Craig’s YouTube Videos titled “Can you teach people how to love you?”. I wasn’t watching any love related videos, just so you know. I was watching one of her videos then this came up. Guess what I was watching? Yes! “Mukbang with Mide & Tiwa of Skinny Girl in Transit”, lol. If you never watched the famous “Skinny Girl in Transit” Tv Show, you’re probably lost right now. You know what? Just look it up on YouTube.

In this “Can you teach people how to love you?” vlog she did, one thing that got to me is the love languages she mentioned. I once watched a sermon by Pastor Nike Adeyemi titled The Language of Love but that was just it. Now, I want to be more intentional about knowing the love languages of the people around me. I hope you get what I mean. Basically, we want people to love us and we don’t mind teaching them how to love us but how about learning how to love them, whether they be family, friends or colleagues?

You might have been hit with the “You don’t love me” unplanned speech by someone you care about. Meanwhile, you think you’re doing your best. The truth is you probably are loving them the way you want to be loved, not necessarily the way they want to be loved. Hence, the reason for this topic. What i want you to do with the five love languages below is to find out your most important love language and that of those around you. If you’re in a relationship or marriage, check that of your partner too. You would know their love language by the things they complain the most about. It’s safe to know that their love language might be your least favorite but do take it serious and work on it.

What are the five love languages?

1. Quality time: By which I mean, giving your undivided attention. Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV off – talking and listening. For instance, if someone keeps complaining that you don’t call them often enough or they always want to be with you, their love language could be quality time.

2. Acts of service: Doing something for them that you know they would like. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service. Someone (person A) once told me that after eating a meal prepared by a friend, her way of saying thank you is to do the dishes. To someone else (person B), it could be by just saying the word “thank you” and telling everyone who cares to listen about the food and the cook. According to Acts of service, person B might be considered an ingrate.

3. Words of Affirmation: Using words to build up the other person. People on this table, take words said serious. They want you to complement them. They want to hear how you feel about them from time to time. If you’re a sucker at speaking out your mind, you might have issues with them.

4. Receiving gifts: A gift says, “He was thinking about me. Look what he got for me.” These type of people want a gift very often no matter how intangible it seems. No gift equals to no love.

5. Physical touch: This includes holding hands, hugging, cuddling, etc. Don’t assume everybody loves physical touch because you do. There are people who cringe at the thought of it and trust me, you don’t want to be in their black book.

May the Lord give us the grace and ability to put what we’ve just learnt into practical use in Jesus name. What’s your love language? Can you guess mine? Let me know in the comment section below.

Thanks for reading. Sharing is caring!


  1. I sometime listen to a programme on Voice of Life with that same topic. However it is related only to married people so that they can get more out of their marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ma for your comment. I really appreciate it. I believe it is very important for married people but I’d beg to disagree that it is only for married people. I believe even among families, friends and colleagues that we directly work with, when put in use, can help foster a better relationship. Some children just want their parents time meanwhile the parents don’t see it as a big deal to always be available. While there are some children who just wants gifts from their parents as a show of their love for them.


  2. To me quality time is very good in any family ,so many family separeted bcause no time no atnntion, spend time walking talkin even playing together making everything esier in any relationship
    Quality time can cover everything

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great piece… My love language is ACT OF SERVICE. I believe for any relationship to work… both parties have to understand it’s a partnership. I would gladly wash the plate if I know I didn’t partake in the cooking… this can at least go with a complementary THANK YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s cool. For those whose love language is act of service, it’s important they let those around them know. Because some people don’t like doing certain things especially chores around the home and might find it hard to show love that way. But if aware, I believe they’d try to put in more effort. Thanks for your comment. I really appreciate it.


  4. Yes, quality time is very important. It’s when you spend time together, you can actually know what steps to take to grow. However, quality time won’t cover everything for someone whose love language isn’t quality time but from the quality time spent you can know the next needed step. Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it.


  5. Thank ypu fo this!
    I think I’ve got more than one love languages, but QUALITY TIME tops it for me. It doesn’t have to be several hours, it is the sacrifice you made to create the time that matters. It shows me that you treasure the relationship (whatever type it is). Somehow I expect people’s love language to be same as mine but it is not always so.
    I will consciously find out what others’ love languages are, so I can love them the way they want to be loved.😊😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes me too but quality time tops it. I used to be that way too. I just thought everyone speaks the same language and it should be quality time till I came across the five love languages. Thanks for sharing your opinion with us Dr Pelumi 😁


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